Friendships II

I realise I'm lacking so much in my friendships. Especially when making friends. Nicky said how much you talk about yourself and how much to ask about the other person says a lot of things. And it got me thinking, I talk a lot... but about myself. My stories. And I realised that when I want to get to know a person, I seem half hearted. I have friends of whom I either don't know what they're doing (as in jobs or studies) or I only find out much later. Why? And sometimes I realise, when they tell me something I don't really know, I just go "okay", and stop there. Why? Why don't I ask about that thing?

Because honestly, I'm not interested. But I should be. Maybe that's why I'm so shallow. I'm not curious enough about the things that I don't know, because I think they won't interest me. But how do I know that it won't interest me if I don't even know about it? I want to change that. I want to know more about other people, about new things. I want to build a genuine interest in a person. I want to build a more solid friendship.

And I need to learn to be more giving. I always believed in give and take. And yes, it's hard to just give, especially if you don't have much yourself. But it doesn't have to be things, or money wise. Give your attention, your love, your care.

But WHY? WHY do we do these things if we don't expect anything in return? The bible says you'll be rewarded in heaven. But really? Do we do these things because we expect God to reward us? That's how it's always been, hasn't it. A boy scores well in his exam, he gets rewarded. A dog sits when you tell it to, you reward it.

I know that the bible says God will reward us, and I don't doubt that. But I don't believe that we should do these things just because we expect a reward, or we want to be rewarded. I think it's more than that. I think we should do these things because...we want to. Because we find pleasure in doing so. Because we feel happy with and share other people's joy.

And do you have fallouts with friends? I have. And I got convicted with Matthew 5:23 - 24: "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."

A friend once told me, "Friendships die out. Friends come and go. Do you keep in touch with every single person you've met?" No. But if you know that a friendship ended negatively, that's not the same. Yes, friendships die because we are so far a part and we have our own lives. But if we were to meet again, we would be happy to see each other. But do you know someone whom, if you were to meet him/her again, you would feel uneasy. You wished you wouldn't bump into him/her, or you might walk past and pretend you don't them. I do. I have. And I need to reconcile with that person.

Gosh I've blabbered for too long now. I'm just so convicted, in many ways. Things I'm doing wrong, or not enough. Who am I pleasing? God? Partly. But partly myself too. Because I want to be a better person. There's only so much you can do to please others. But in the end, the choice is ours. What do YOU want to do?