Friendships II

I realise I'm lacking so much in my friendships. Especially when making friends. Nicky said how much you talk about yourself and how much to ask about the other person says a lot of things. And it got me thinking, I talk a lot... but about myself. My stories. And I realised that when I want to get to know a person, I seem half hearted. I have friends of whom I either don't know what they're doing (as in jobs or studies) or I only find out much later. Why? And sometimes I realise, when they tell me something I don't really know, I just go "okay", and stop there. Why? Why don't I ask about that thing?

Because honestly, I'm not interested. But I should be. Maybe that's why I'm so shallow. I'm not curious enough about the things that I don't know, because I think they won't interest me. But how do I know that it won't interest me if I don't even know about it? I want to change that. I want to know more about other people, about new things. I want to build a genuine interest in a person. I want to build a more solid friendship.

And I need to learn to be more giving. I always believed in give and take. And yes, it's hard to just give, especially if you don't have much yourself. But it doesn't have to be things, or money wise. Give your attention, your love, your care.

But WHY? WHY do we do these things if we don't expect anything in return? The bible says you'll be rewarded in heaven. But really? Do we do these things because we expect God to reward us? That's how it's always been, hasn't it. A boy scores well in his exam, he gets rewarded. A dog sits when you tell it to, you reward it.

I know that the bible says God will reward us, and I don't doubt that. But I don't believe that we should do these things just because we expect a reward, or we want to be rewarded. I think it's more than that. I think we should do these things because...we want to. Because we find pleasure in doing so. Because we feel happy with and share other people's joy.

And do you have fallouts with friends? I have. And I got convicted with Matthew 5:23 - 24: "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."

A friend once told me, "Friendships die out. Friends come and go. Do you keep in touch with every single person you've met?" No. But if you know that a friendship ended negatively, that's not the same. Yes, friendships die because we are so far a part and we have our own lives. But if we were to meet again, we would be happy to see each other. But do you know someone whom, if you were to meet him/her again, you would feel uneasy. You wished you wouldn't bump into him/her, or you might walk past and pretend you don't them. I do. I have. And I need to reconcile with that person.

Gosh I've blabbered for too long now. I'm just so convicted, in many ways. Things I'm doing wrong, or not enough. Who am I pleasing? God? Partly. But partly myself too. Because I want to be a better person. There's only so much you can do to please others. But in the end, the choice is ours. What do YOU want to do?

Friendships

How are your friendships? Do you give, but expect something in return? Do you praise the person in front of him/her, but say the opposite about them behind their back? Do you judge them based on first impressions? When you barely know them?

Philippians 2: 20 - 21 speaks of Timothy - "I have no-one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ."

How often do we have genuine care for other people? How often do we look after other people's interest? I've always hated it when I care for someone, and they take it for granted. Or take advantage of it. And I would feel like a doormat. A friend used to tell me her problem: she cares too much.

Care too much? Can we ever care too much for a person? Isn't that what we should do? Why? Because He cared for us. But is that it? We do it because the bible says so? Because God did it for us? Is that the only reason?

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I remember once I went for a holiday and we rented a villa. Bought some food to cook. And we had another batch of friends coming later during the night. When they came, they haven't had dinner, and since it was late, all the restaurants would've been closed. Plus they would've been tired from travelling.

So a couple of my friends and I decided, we should cook for them. And another friend was a little indignant, asking, why should we cook for them? We're not their servants. We bought the food. It's their problem for not preparing themselves with food.

Something in me stirred and I said, "If you do good to other people, they will do good to you."

The next night, we went to the supermarket and bought food for bbq, and that batch of friends insisted to pay for the food. Because of what we did for them before. Because we provided for them.

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But then again. Do we do good.. just because we expect something in return?

Luke 6:31 - 35 : "Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners', expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked."

So give. Without expecting in return. The world says "we give and take". Bible says "just give". Easier said than done? Definitely. But does that mean you don't need to do it? That we shouldn't do it? In my previous post a couple of years ago I remember mentioning, I hate it when people say it's easier said than done. Of course, but everything's easier said than done. We have to work hard to put food on the table, study hard to get somewhere. So does that mean we don't have to do it? Cause it's easier said than done?

And are you loyal in your friendships? Nicky Gumbel said, if you're in a room of people, and you start speaking ill of another person, the people in the room might think, "if you're saying these things about that person, what are you saying about me?" How do you build trust in friendships that way? I always fall into that trap. Gossiping. It seems fun. Especially if the person you're telling it to agrees with you. But really, does the person you're gossiping about deserve that? Think "what if I were in his/her shoes."