So today, 18th July, I'm 20 years old. Can you believe it? 20! And if you don't think it's old, think again.
I was chatting with my cousin on msn and he asked how I was doing. And I said, "I'm alright. Feeling cranky. But I guess that's what it means to get old huh?" Then he replied, "Getting old? Oh yes! Happy birthday!" And when I said that whole feeling-cranky-is-what-it-means-to-get-old, I wasn't even thinking of my birthday. Wasn't even thinking the reason I feel cranky/old was because I'm getting a year older. It all came too...naturally. Naturally OLD. Gosh, I don't know why, but just after dinner I suddenly felt so cranky. Just didn't feel like talking. Didn't even feel like watching a favourite programme on TV. Turning old?? I hope not. I don't want to be a cranky, miserable old lady. I want to be a jolly, enthusiastic, passionate woman.
Looking back at my life, I have to say, I feel pretty grateful for it. I mean of course, there's been ups and downs. Sadness and happiness. Mishaps. Suffering (not a lot and not physically. Don't get me wrong lol). Embarrassments ;). Joy. Love. Hope. Fun. And most importantly, God has been so great in my life. From the way He brought me to Him, to the awesome ways He has worked in my life, to the guidance He has given me, to the prayers He has answered for me. It's been awesome. Even though I keep disappointing Him, He never forsake me. Even though I left Him sometimes, He never left me.
Dear Lord,
I'm sorry for the many things I've done that've disappointed and upset You. Father, even as I grow a year older, all I want is to grow stronger in our relationship. To grow stronger in love. To learn more from You and to obey You in everything I do. Father, all I want is to draw closer to You, and not forsaking You again, ever. Thank You Lord for the many amazing things You have done in my life. Though I don't deserve it, but still You made the impossible happen. For me. Thank You Lord. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Friday, 17 July 2009
Monday, 6 July 2009
There's no place like home =)
So I arrived Malaysia on 25th June at about 6pm. And the moment I stepped out of the airplane I felt the heat, and I felt like I was walking through a wall of tiny water droplets. That's Malaysia alright. Hot and humid. Not complaining, just feels good to be home =)
Funny thing happened when I walked out from the "no declaration" lane, the first people I saw were Jo Ann's parents. My eyes scan around the area for my parents and brother. No sign of them. Haha for a moment I thought they were still stuck in a jam or something. Greeted Jo Ann's parents for a few minutes, then turned around and finally, I saw my brother. Haha actually my mom and bro had been in the airport earlier but my mom had to go and use the toilet.
I actually planned to have Indian food that night for dinner, but my brother suggested Thai food instead. Fine by me =) I love Thai food too. Hehe. Went to megamall and had dinner with my aunts and uncles, my mom's sisters and brothers. And I felt it was the best "Welcome home" present. Dinner with family =). Of course, all were busy nagging me about my full-of-pimples face and commenting on my not-so-fair skin but otherwise, it was fun to have them there =).
Despite being glad to be home, I still can't help but worry about some things. Like getting an internship here or at least some sort of a work experience. And brushing up on my french and taking some french classes so that it won't be so hard next year when I take level 2 french. And worrying about the flat arrangements, the payments and the contracts. Sigh. I've been here for a little more than a week already, still nothing definite planned out for the 3 months I will be here. I can't help but feel like I'm going to regret it later if I don't start moving my butt and doing something useful soon. But yet, I feel so lazy to look for internships or french classes. And, my spiritual growth has been stunted again. All thanks to this thing called "laziness". I really really need to buck up.
I've been reading this book called "I dared to call Him Father". It's about a woman who was a Muslim in Pakistan and she converted into a Christian. And the book tells about how God is so so very real to her. And how He guides her through every step she takes. It's because of her obedience to God, and how she surrenders completely to Him. It's just challenging me so much to be like that. To surrender. To not worry about my future. To not feel insecure. To have someone steer me in the right direction and help me through the obstacles. Like I've said before, I cannot let Him go. I cannot push Him away. I need to cling on to Him.
Time to stop being lazy, Joanne. Time to step out of your comfort zone.
I don't know how to end this post. And this is going to be pretty random. But I have a mosquito bite on my eyebrow. There IS no place like home.
Funny thing happened when I walked out from the "no declaration" lane, the first people I saw were Jo Ann's parents. My eyes scan around the area for my parents and brother. No sign of them. Haha for a moment I thought they were still stuck in a jam or something. Greeted Jo Ann's parents for a few minutes, then turned around and finally, I saw my brother. Haha actually my mom and bro had been in the airport earlier but my mom had to go and use the toilet.
I actually planned to have Indian food that night for dinner, but my brother suggested Thai food instead. Fine by me =) I love Thai food too. Hehe. Went to megamall and had dinner with my aunts and uncles, my mom's sisters and brothers. And I felt it was the best "Welcome home" present. Dinner with family =). Of course, all were busy nagging me about my full-of-pimples face and commenting on my not-so-fair skin but otherwise, it was fun to have them there =).
Despite being glad to be home, I still can't help but worry about some things. Like getting an internship here or at least some sort of a work experience. And brushing up on my french and taking some french classes so that it won't be so hard next year when I take level 2 french. And worrying about the flat arrangements, the payments and the contracts. Sigh. I've been here for a little more than a week already, still nothing definite planned out for the 3 months I will be here. I can't help but feel like I'm going to regret it later if I don't start moving my butt and doing something useful soon. But yet, I feel so lazy to look for internships or french classes. And, my spiritual growth has been stunted again. All thanks to this thing called "laziness". I really really need to buck up.
I've been reading this book called "I dared to call Him Father". It's about a woman who was a Muslim in Pakistan and she converted into a Christian. And the book tells about how God is so so very real to her. And how He guides her through every step she takes. It's because of her obedience to God, and how she surrenders completely to Him. It's just challenging me so much to be like that. To surrender. To not worry about my future. To not feel insecure. To have someone steer me in the right direction and help me through the obstacles. Like I've said before, I cannot let Him go. I cannot push Him away. I need to cling on to Him.
Time to stop being lazy, Joanne. Time to step out of your comfort zone.
I don't know how to end this post. And this is going to be pretty random. But I have a mosquito bite on my eyebrow. There IS no place like home.
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