I just suck in practical exams

I just finished my physics practical. It was bad. It wasn't tough but I practically screwed it up. Didn't have enough time and ended up doing my graph and calculation in a hurry, and alot of them are wrong. Sigh. Well, let me tell you what happened during the exam.

I was still calculating and filling up my table. I had about 10 more minutes to draw my graph and do some more calculations. I was practically freaking out. And somehow I couldn't find a suitable scale for the graph. I was praying, God, please help me. And I was panic-ing like mad. So in the end I didn't care and just put my reading into the graph without caring about the scale. I thought it was all wrong...the scale. But later when I was calculating the gradient I realised, that my scale is right. It's just awesome la. It's like, I couldn't find a proper scale and when I simply put on some stupid scale, it turned out right. Well, partly.

I was still panic-ing. And I realised that some of my calculations on the table was not right. At the same time I realised one point on my graph was not the right scale. So yea, basically it didn't work out lar. I screwed up the table, the graph, the gradient, etc etc. For a moment I was like, praising God for giving me the correct scale for the graph. But then, I realised that it's not correct. Maybe if I had kept my calm and calculated properly I might be able to get the correct scale and at the same time get marks for my table. But yea, I was pretty devastated when I found out I screwed up both my table and my graph.

I was pretty much in a wreck. I couldn't hold back my tears and started leaking. And I couldn't stop. I just couldn't believe that I screwed up such an easy paper. And I was basically blaming myself for being slow, for taking up too much time. For not keeping calm. I was just feeling so bad and I thought to myself," I think I'm going to have to retake next year."

I couldn't stop crying. I was feeling so sad. I felt like jumping off the building or something. But later, I pulled myself together and prayed, "God, I leave this paper into Your hands. I trust in You. Whatever happens I just want to thank You." And truly after that, I felt at peace. I stopped crying. It's just really great to feel that you know Someone is taking care of your worries, taking care of my paper.

And you know what, I can say this now. So what if I screwed up my paper? What's done is done and whatever I do cannot reverse whatever I have done. And I know this for sure : My God is and has taken care of my paper. And I'm not afraid anymore. Even if I get really low marks for my practical paper, I won't curse God. I won't be angry with Him. I just trust Him completely.

Have you heard the story about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego? King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold and forced everyone in Babylon to worship this gold. If anyone does not worship this image of gold, they'll be thrown into a blazing furnace. So everyone fell down and worshipped this image of gold, but Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did not. And when the king threatened to throw them into the furnace, this is what they said :

"O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3: 16-18)

And guess what, they were thrown into the furnace. But God saved them and they came out of the furnace unhurt. And King Nebuchadnezzar was awed at God's work.

So yea, it's not called blind faith, it's called PURE faith in God.
Sometimes, it IS hard, to put your faith in Him, to say, "God I want this to happen but even if I don't get it I will still believe in You and have faith in You." But, honestly, why not take the risk of putting your faith in God? Just like what Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego did. They even considered the possibility that God will not save them from the furnace, but they still stayed true to Him. And look, they were saved!

It's hard to put your worries into God's hands, to trust Him 100%. But, after I commited my paper into God's hands, I truly felt at peace. Philippians 4:6-7 => Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Try taking that step of saying, "God I commit this problem/worry into Your hands." Truly the peace of God which surpasses all understanding WILL guard your hearts and minds.

I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know how bad this paper will influence my total marks. But I can say this, that whatever happens, God, I THANK YOU!

What is PASSION?

What is passion? Love for something? Is that all?

Well, I once loved something. And I still love it actually. By the age of 3 I was certain I was going to “marry” this “something”. I was so certain this “something” was my future. Something I want to do for a living. Something I loved. My passion.

For about 13 years my life revolved around this thing. It was not only a part of my life; it was a part of my family’s life. Especially my mom and dad.

Passion? I always thought I had passion for this thing. Why? Just because I love it? Well, love alone is not enough to explain what passion really means.

Want to know what passion really means? Let me tell you what I think. I think passion is something that you feel so strongly about, no words could explain this feeling you have for it. Passion is something so strong that nothing can ever take it away from you. Passion for something means you are ready to FIGHT for it. No matter how many obstacles come in your way, you are willing to go through them all, never giving up to reach for your passion.

Passion …is not what I have for this “thing”. Because I was not willing to fight for it. I was not willing to go through the tough times, the pressure, the stress, the discouragement…

Yes, I love this thing. No, I do not have the passion for it.

Many people were shocked when they found out I let it go. Some thought I was crazy. Do I regret letting it go? Honestly, I don’t know. Sometimes I felt I should have fought for it. Sometimes I felt I made the right choice, that this thing is not something meant for me.

Some said that it was a waste for me to let it go. Do I think so? Honestly, no. I did not totally shut this thing out of my life. It’s just that it’s a smaller part of my life now than it was before. I don’t feel like it‘s a waste for me to let it go, but I know a lot of people feel that it is. Including my parents. And I feel pretty guilty. Because this thing was a part of their life too. I’ve really let them down. And I’m sorry, I really am.

Do you have a passion for something? It may be a career; like being a doctor. Or it may be something you love to do. Like dancing, singing, drawing, or painting. Take some time to think about it. Is it really your passion? If you made up your mind that it is, here’s my advice.

Don’t let it go. Hold on to it. Fight for it. No matter what you go through. Don’t be afraid to show people your passion. Your everything. Don’t make the same mistake I did. If it is not your passion, don’t waste so much time on it. Don’t waste other people’s time on it.

Otherwise, hold on and fight for your passion.