Thought of the day: Your choice

We all have choices. The question is which one to choose.

We can choose to be think negatively... or be optimistic.
We can choose to be depressed... or be happy.
We can choose to be indifferent... or be passionate.
We can choose to live our parents/ friends' lives... or live our own lives.

Don't blame others for your short-comings. Instead, turn them into something positive. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made by God. None of us are perfect, but each of us are unique in His eyes. Don't succumb to circumstances and dwell in self pity. Turn them into something positive.

We can choose to live a happy life. Or dwell in a life full of regrets and self-sympathy.

It's your choice.

Change

I need a sense urgency, but not fear.

I need peace, but not get lazy. 

Help me change, but for the better. 

And help me stay that way. 

I've been so full of anxiety and fear the past couple of days. Panic.

But I thank God, cause today, I have peace.  

Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of You, God. I want more of You, God. 

It's time to wake up.. Time to break down these walls.. 

Find rest in Him.

I so need Him. I need Him here.

Friendships II

I realise I'm lacking so much in my friendships. Especially when making friends. Nicky said how much you talk about yourself and how much to ask about the other person says a lot of things. And it got me thinking, I talk a lot... but about myself. My stories. And I realised that when I want to get to know a person, I seem half hearted. I have friends of whom I either don't know what they're doing (as in jobs or studies) or I only find out much later. Why? And sometimes I realise, when they tell me something I don't really know, I just go "okay", and stop there. Why? Why don't I ask about that thing?

Because honestly, I'm not interested. But I should be. Maybe that's why I'm so shallow. I'm not curious enough about the things that I don't know, because I think they won't interest me. But how do I know that it won't interest me if I don't even know about it? I want to change that. I want to know more about other people, about new things. I want to build a genuine interest in a person. I want to build a more solid friendship.

And I need to learn to be more giving. I always believed in give and take. And yes, it's hard to just give, especially if you don't have much yourself. But it doesn't have to be things, or money wise. Give your attention, your love, your care.

But WHY? WHY do we do these things if we don't expect anything in return? The bible says you'll be rewarded in heaven. But really? Do we do these things because we expect God to reward us? That's how it's always been, hasn't it. A boy scores well in his exam, he gets rewarded. A dog sits when you tell it to, you reward it.

I know that the bible says God will reward us, and I don't doubt that. But I don't believe that we should do these things just because we expect a reward, or we want to be rewarded. I think it's more than that. I think we should do these things because...we want to. Because we find pleasure in doing so. Because we feel happy with and share other people's joy.

And do you have fallouts with friends? I have. And I got convicted with Matthew 5:23 - 24: "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."

A friend once told me, "Friendships die out. Friends come and go. Do you keep in touch with every single person you've met?" No. But if you know that a friendship ended negatively, that's not the same. Yes, friendships die because we are so far a part and we have our own lives. But if we were to meet again, we would be happy to see each other. But do you know someone whom, if you were to meet him/her again, you would feel uneasy. You wished you wouldn't bump into him/her, or you might walk past and pretend you don't them. I do. I have. And I need to reconcile with that person.

Gosh I've blabbered for too long now. I'm just so convicted, in many ways. Things I'm doing wrong, or not enough. Who am I pleasing? God? Partly. But partly myself too. Because I want to be a better person. There's only so much you can do to please others. But in the end, the choice is ours. What do YOU want to do?

Friendships

How are your friendships? Do you give, but expect something in return? Do you praise the person in front of him/her, but say the opposite about them behind their back? Do you judge them based on first impressions? When you barely know them?

Philippians 2: 20 - 21 speaks of Timothy - "I have no-one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ."

How often do we have genuine care for other people? How often do we look after other people's interest? I've always hated it when I care for someone, and they take it for granted. Or take advantage of it. And I would feel like a doormat. A friend used to tell me her problem: she cares too much.

Care too much? Can we ever care too much for a person? Isn't that what we should do? Why? Because He cared for us. But is that it? We do it because the bible says so? Because God did it for us? Is that the only reason?

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I remember once I went for a holiday and we rented a villa. Bought some food to cook. And we had another batch of friends coming later during the night. When they came, they haven't had dinner, and since it was late, all the restaurants would've been closed. Plus they would've been tired from travelling.

So a couple of my friends and I decided, we should cook for them. And another friend was a little indignant, asking, why should we cook for them? We're not their servants. We bought the food. It's their problem for not preparing themselves with food.

Something in me stirred and I said, "If you do good to other people, they will do good to you."

The next night, we went to the supermarket and bought food for bbq, and that batch of friends insisted to pay for the food. Because of what we did for them before. Because we provided for them.

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But then again. Do we do good.. just because we expect something in return?

Luke 6:31 - 35 : "Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners', expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked."

So give. Without expecting in return. The world says "we give and take". Bible says "just give". Easier said than done? Definitely. But does that mean you don't need to do it? That we shouldn't do it? In my previous post a couple of years ago I remember mentioning, I hate it when people say it's easier said than done. Of course, but everything's easier said than done. We have to work hard to put food on the table, study hard to get somewhere. So does that mean we don't have to do it? Cause it's easier said than done?

And are you loyal in your friendships? Nicky Gumbel said, if you're in a room of people, and you start speaking ill of another person, the people in the room might think, "if you're saying these things about that person, what are you saying about me?" How do you build trust in friendships that way? I always fall into that trap. Gossiping. It seems fun. Especially if the person you're telling it to agrees with you. But really, does the person you're gossiping about deserve that? Think "what if I were in his/her shoes."

Almost there

There. I spent the whole day today cleaning my room. It was a pig sty before that, thank God I don’t have a picture to show that >< Haha. No before, but here’s after:

Organised clothes. And yes, I know I have a lot of clothes. Half of which I don't seem to wear. Hmm..

I see my floor!! *oops, a hint of how bad it was before*

Stacked books. =)

Laundry tomorrow, and I’m practically done. =) Oh and I’ll need to wash my hiking shoes. That’ll probably take a while.

Room check. Next, life.

There was a point in my life (a couple of weeks ago in fact) where I just gave up and self-destructed. I just couldn’t care less, and was slacking so much. I knew I was going to regret it later, but at that time I didn’t care. Now, I do care. There’s so much to do. All the work just piled up. And I regret so much now. I remember clearly thinking at that time, “There’s still time. Don’t worry. It’s okay to have a day off. There’s still time.” It’s amazing how time literally flies. Day turned into weeks. There’s no time now. But I’ll try to make the most out of it.

So, a note to all those out there who are thinking of self-destructing. Don’t. In whatever way. Could be you just cut yourself off from God. From your parents. Or it could be that you just let go of your obligations and responsibilities, knowing that there’ll be consequences later, but still don’t care. My advice. Don’t. You’ll definitely regret it later. Just like how I am regretting it now.

Hang in there! Don't give up! Don't self-destruct. Instead, rejoice. It's a choice. Your choice.

Spring Cleaning

My room is a mess.

My life is a mess.

It’s time to spring clean. 1^st my room, then my life.

There are so many things in my life right now that I need to set straight. So many things about myself I want to change. It’s amazing how spending time with people can really open one’s eyes.

I’ve been looking through my blog the past couple of days. I don’t recognize that person. I don’t know who this person is right now. She was so passionate, so curious, always questioning, always challenging. Always encouraging. Now, she’s just like a sloth. Can’t be bothered. Cut off from the real world. Drowning herself in nonsense. Being obtuse.

Looking at some of the comments really stirred something in me. A comment as late as last year spoke of how my blog post gave her encouragement. How finding my blog made her thank God. It’s amazing given that my last post was in 2009.

I want that person back. I want to continue encouraging people. Continue to tell people of what He has done in my life. Continue to tell people of my journey with Him.

I want to stop being afraid. Insecure. Obtuse. It’s time to change. I know it won’t happen overnight. I know it won’t happen anytime soon. But by God’s grace and strength, I believe He will help me.

Matthew 7:7 - "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Lord, I ask to that you change me. To be a better person.